Puppy At Heart

I lay, sprawled across my bed, legs slightly apart, stomach down, thinking. Thinking about Summer, my five-year-old golden retriever who I had to put to sleep just over four months ago. Summer had bad hip problems, bad enough that she couldn’t walk.

My birthday was on Friday, May 12, two days away. I was turning 12. I had big hopes for my birthday, not present hopes though. I hoped that I would be different, not forget Summer, but move on. There were lots of times that I could stop thinking about her, I could play soccer, laugh with my friends, read, do normal stuff, but then I would remember, and it wouldn’t be as much fun.

I knew it was stupid, but little kids think that the year you turn the date you were born is your lucky year. Maybe it would be mine.

“Emma, lights out!” my mom whispered fiercely from my bedroom doorway. Obediently, I reached over and turned out my light. “Aren’t you going to change?” she questioned. I grinned. I had been so caught up in my hopes for my birthday that I had forgotten all about brushing my teeth and changing into my nightshirt. Forgetting for the moment about Summer, I cheerfully got off my bed, brushed my teeth and changed into my nightshirt. I crawled back in bed, mom kissed my forehead and left the room. I flopped onto my side. Still not able to sleep, I rolled onto my back. Eventually, sleep overcame me.

I opened one eye. A shaft of sunlight streamed onto my pillow from the slightly open curtain. I glanced at my clock 6:29. I still had one minute before my alarm would ring. I closed my eyes again.

Brrrring.... Automatically my hand turned off the alarm. Still half asleep, I stretched. Unwilling, but knowing that I had to get up, I swung my legs across the edge of the bed and stood up on wobbly legs. The carpet was warm on my bare feet. I walked silently to the bathroom. The tile floor was cold, so I stepped quickly onto the thin rug. After brushing my teeth and hair, washing my face and using the toilet, I walked back to my room, not taking care to be silent.

I got dressed and went downstairs. Upon entering the kitchen I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table.

Mom turned her head from where she stood at the sink, “sleep well?” she asked. I nodded and started on my cereal. I ate slowly. I was halfway done when my four-year-old sister Maggi walked in. She was wearing her pink-footed pajamas and her feet made tiny thuds on the wooden floor. She was rubbing her eyes fiercely.

“You make too much noise!” she accused me. Laughing, I got out of my chair and walked over to her.

“I’m sorry” I told her as I gave her a hug. I walked back to my chair and Maggi followed. She climbed into my lap and I put my arms around her small body.

“What would you like for breakfast?” mom inquired.

“Waffle” Maggi answered, but she was so tired it sounded like “weffle.” Mom crossed to the freezer, pulled out a box of Eggo waffles and stuck one in the toaster.

Our neighborhood was closer to a different school, but grownups, who weren’t thinking about kids who hate bus rides, decided that we would go to Jefferson Elementary instead of Lincoln Elementary.

The others came and finally, late as usual, the bus. We all clambered on. Today, I chose the first seat on the right. The one advantage to getting on the bus first was that you could choose whichever seats you wanted and save them for your friends and yourself. I sat silent the first ten minutes of the ride, but when all my friends had gotten on, I talked and laughed with them, like always. And like always, I felt guilty because I was having fun, without Summer.

The bus ride ended, and everyone swarmed into the light and dark brown, bleak, small and ugly school. The tile floors had just been polished and everybody’s shoes squeaked.

The day passed like every day did. The bus came and picked us all up from school and I started the long ride back. I waved to my friends as they got off, and finally got off myself.

I walked into the silent house. “Hi, Maggi,” I loudly greeted the air.

“Emma!” Maggi came barreling out of the kitchen. She was wearing a paint smock and her hands were smeared with green and blue paint. “I want a hug!” she insisted, holding out her arms.

“Maggi, don’t you dare touch anything!” Mom threatened as she followed her from the room at a run.

“Once you’re cleaned up” I assured her. I led her to the kitchen sink, and once all the paint was off her hands, gave her a hug.

I grabbed an apple from the refrigerator and took it, along with my backpack upstairs. I entered my room. After setting my apple on the nightstand I started doing the little homework that I had been assigned, periodically taking a bite from the apple.

Finished, I went down stairs and got my soccer ball. Shoes in one hand, ball in the other I headed outside. The air was warm, not hot, but not cold. I sat on the doorstep and tied my shoes. Then, taking the ball, I started to fool around, pretending to shoot, and then switching around and going the opposite way. I practiced stuff like that over and over, waiting until, as I knew she would, Maggi came out.

“I want to play,” she insisted. I nodded and passed her the ball. She looked at it. “Too big!” she announced. She turned and ran towards the house. I knew what was coming next. She would get her ball. She returned, ball in tow. We started playing a one-on-one match, like always. I played really easy and let her get the ball away from me almost every time she tried. It was no fun if you didn’t, because Maggi would get put off at me always beating her, and with a pout on her small face, go back into the house.

“Emma, Maggi, dinner!” my dad called from the door. I grabbed my ball and she hers and we walked to the door together. Sliding into our seats we waited for mom and dad to sit down. They did and we all began to eat. “What do you want for your birthday?” Dad asked. I stared at him. He laughed. “Yeah we already have all your presents, I just wondered,” he told me. We finished dinner and each went to do our own thing. Dad went to the computer, me to the couch with a book, Maggi beside me, and mom to the dishes.

We stayed that way for half an hour, and then mom told Maggi that it was bedtime. It was eight o’clock and I was really tired so I decided to go to bed too.

Together we went upstairs and got ready for bed. I gave Maggi a goodnight hug and then went into my bedroom. Mom came in. “Night, Emma,” she said and she kissed my forehead. “Lights out at nine-thirty.” I looked at my clock, eight-thirty. I turned off my light and fell asleep.

I woke the next morning to a cheerful, bright, sunny day. Perfect birthday weather. With ever-growing excitement, I got dressed and walked downstairs.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Emma! Happy birthday to you!” Mom greeted me as I walked into the kitchen. I smiled and sat down at the table. Mom came over and slid a plate with two pancakes on it in front of me. I looked at it hungrily, but made myself wait. Mom put three other plates, all with pancakes on them, on the table and then went to wake Maggi.

Dad came into the room “Happy birthday,” he said to me and then sat down at the table. Mom came back with Maggi and they both sat down.

“Happy birthday!” Maggi exclaimed like it was the most exciting thing in the world. I couldn’t figure out why she was so excited. My birthday only happens every year, but she was acting like it happened every five years. “You got lots of presents!” she announced. Now I understood. She had gotten lots of small things for her birthday because she hadn’t wanted anything big, I didn’t want anything big either, just small stuff. Selfish Maggi was happy for me. My big gift would be my one hope -- that would be enough for me.

“Thanks,” I told her and started on my pancakes. They were really good so I ate slowly, enjoying every bite. Finally I finished and went upstairs to get ready for school. I walked slowly toward the door.

“Bye, Emma.”

“Bye, Maggi,” I answered. I pulled open the door and stepped out onto the sidewalk.

The day passed quickly, with all my friends being super nice and my teacher smiling like crazy whenever I turned my head to look at her. I liked being the center of attention because it kept my mind totally and completely off of Summer.

I was about to climb on the bus to go home when I heard my name being called in Maggi’s voice. I turned around and saw all three of them standing there with big smiles on their faces.

I jogged over towards them. “Where are we going?” I asked. My parents only came and picked me up if they had something special and fun planned, and as far as I knew, home was next on the list of where we were going.

“You’ll see,” was Dad’s only answer. I climbed into the back seat along with Maggi and buckled. Dad started the car and we drove towards the south part of town and then into a neighborhood I had never been in. Dad stopped the car and got out. I got out slowly and then cautiously closed the door, afraid that this was some kind of joke. Dad walked across the street and knocked on a door. I ran after him and behind me came mom and Maggi.

A man came out the door. “Frank?” he asked. Dad nodded. “Follow me, they’re around back.” I was really confused. What was around back? The man led us into the backyard. I saw a large cage. Golden-colored bodies squirmed around inside it. Golden Retriever puppies.

“Pick whichever one you want,” Dad told me. The man opened the door to the cage and I slipped inside. Tears streaming down my face, I knelt among them. Warm bodies brushed against my legs as I scooped one into my arms. I felt like I was living in a perfect dream. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. But it was. I could pick whichever one I wanted. Then a thought struck me. Would Summer be mad if I got a new dog? No, Summer probably wished I would, so I could be happy like her. I stepped further into the cage, touching every puppy around me.

“Boy or Girl?” the man asked me.

“Girl,” I answered. The man put all but three of the puppies into a little side cage. The three remaining puppies pushed around my legs. Two were the same size. One was a little smaller. I picked up the two that were the same size first, they squirmed in my arms and then lay still.

I picked up the slightly smaller one. She lifted her head and stared straight into my eyes. Then she licked my chin, her soft warm tongue caressing my skin. I smiled at her. “This one,” I said. There was no doubt in my mind. This puppy was for me, this puppy reminded me of Summer. Affectionate, adorable, happy, and if I judged right, a sense of mischief.

I held my finger against her mouth. Her tongue came and wrapped around my pinky. Then the tongue vanished as quickly as it had come. I held her tighter. A puppy of my own. All mine.

Since the puppies were over two months old, I could take her home right away. I held her small squirmy body against my chest and followed the man out of the cage.

I brought the puppy over to a picnic table out in the yard, and set her on it when the man indicated that he wanted me to do so. She turned in a circle and then placed her paws against my chest, her tail wagging like crazy, breathing her puppy breath into my face. Dad and the man worked out all the recording and payment stuff. My eyes never left my dog.

Then it was done. She was officially mine. No one could take her away. Mine, mine, MINE! We walked to the car. The puppy was back in my arms.

“Name?” Maggi asked. I started. I had totally forgotten about Maggi and Mom, I was way too caught up with my puppy.

“I don’t know,” I told her. “I’ll tell you when I’m sure.” We all got in the car and drove off. Maggi extended her hand toward the puppy and then quickly drew it back. “Go ahead,” I told her. Maggi petted her head and when my puppy licked her finger she laughed.

“It tickles!” she exclaimed.

When we got home I took my puppy into the backyard. Mom brought out a bright blue leash she had bought, along with a matching collar. I snapped the collar around her neck and lay down on my back. The grass was warm against my bare arms. My puppy crawled onto my stomach and lay down. She was so small and weighed so little that all I really felt was a slight tickle from her little whiskers rubbing around on my neck. She crawled up further and licked my chin. Then she licked my nose. She crawled up until my nose and face were pressed into the soft fur of her belly. I hugged her, and after setting her down gently beside me, I got up. Nose to the ground, she started running. She stopped and started digging furiously. Laughing at her curiosity, I sat down on the steps and watched her. She dug up a bone. A bone that had been Summer’s. A bone Summer had not been supposed to bury.

I scooped my puppy up and putting her down in front of the door, I motioned for her to come inside. She had never been inside, so she hesitated a little. I encouraged her on in a voice I would use if I was talking to babies and eventually she came. I gave her a minute to explore the downstairs and then picked her up again and carried her to my room.

I set her down on the floor, closed my door, walked over to my CD player and turned on the radio. My puppy looked curiously about and then wandered in the general direction of the CD player. She stopped and turned her head to look at me. Then she tilted her head a little. Adorable. I fell onto the floor laughing. That was exactly what Maggi did when she didn’t understand something.

“Funny!” Maggi declared. I turned to look at her. She was standing in the doorway. I hadn’t known she was upstairs. “Name?” Maggi asked again.

“Rascal,” I answered, not thinking about what I was saying. Maggi nodded and left the room, shutting the door behind her. I realized that I had named her. It wasn’t too late to change her name; Maggi would forgive me.

But I liked it. Rascal. It totally fit her personality. I turned my attention back to Rascal. She was sniffing at the CD, very confused about the strange noise. After a few minutes she gave up and started wandering around, looking for something to do. She went next to my waste basket. A carved wooden basket with a few tissues in it. She gingerly picked one out and came to face me, tail wagging, very pleased with herself “No, you silly goose,” I told her and gently removed the Kleenex from her mouth.

“Dinner!” I heard Dad’s voice ring up the stairs. I picked up Rascal and carried her to the start of the stairs and then put her down. Next I walked halfway down and called her to me. She started right down and stopped when she came to me. I ran down the rest of the stairs and she followed.

I ran out onto the polished wood floor of the kitchen and hallway, and Rascal scampered behind me. I stopped, but Rascal kept going, her feet sliding on the wood floor until her legs splayed and she stopped. I ran to her side, but she was up again nosing at Mom’s legs, seeming to say, “play with me, oh please play with me.” I looked at Mom. She was trying really hard not to laugh.

We ate dinner and then had cake. Mom had made it from scratch and it was really good. I opened presents. There were only two, but that was plenty. In my mind, Rascal was worth 1,000,000 other presents. Then Maggi and Dad disappeared down into the basement and Dad came up lugging pieces of wood.

“For a dog house,” he explained, “we can put it together, if you like, or I can put it together alone.”

“Together,” I answered from my spot on the floor. Rascal came over and climbed into my lap. She licked my chin and I hugged her tight.